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FarCryDreamer
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:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz:
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Summary: A short brotherly scene between Kaimu and Yuta of my Hand Of Sorrow universe.
Genre: Historical Fiction / Adventure / Fantasy
Critique Requested: Sentence structure, grammar, and general flow of the piece, please.
Critique Tolerance: 5. I'm looking for complete honesty.
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Story, Concept, and Characters © Me.
© 2013 - 2024 FarCryDreamer
Comments5
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KitaMikichi's avatar
KitaMikichi
This was a lot of fun to read! Overall flow of the piece is very good. There are one or two awkward passive-voice phrases that I would consider re-phrasing in active voice. And in the second from last paragraph, where both Yuta and Kaimu are laughing on the floor, you should probably make a new paragraph when the speaker changes. Other than that, this gets two thimbs up from me!! ^^